And, I must do something to change this. I have been terribly sad for many weeks - months! This past year has been another very difficult year for me, mostly in regards to my relationship with (or lack of) with my son and daughter who were born in the early 1960's. The majority of my life has been a life of striving to be the best I can be with what I know and what I can learn. And, that has included many years of professional therapy and self help activities. The word FAMILY has never been a word that brought thoughts of warmth, love and good for me other than about eight years during marriage when my children were born. I can't remember very much time during my life that I have NOT felt VERY ALONE, especially during childhood - even though I am a twin !
I am just now starting to formulate some plans to change my state of mind and to develop some sort of support system that is consistent with availability of help from others. It has always been difficult for me to ask for help because as a child and thereafter I experienced endless rejection and criticism. So many (all) of my "circle of friends" have left this earth and I miss them terribly. And, the loss of my precious Lily (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) continues to be very heartbreaking.
If there is a way for me to find my JOY again - - - I WILL .
This is not the first time that I have been challenged by the facts of life. And, I know there are many ways to turn this around. But, it sure takes a lot of work and motivation!
Putting "pencil to paper" is the first step for me in finding the resources needed for me to FIND JOY.
I wish you all a VERY HAPPY START TO A GREAT NEW YEAR.
My blogging will be most likely, very sporadic.
Mary
Sometimes dear Mary, the things that once brought you joy no longer do. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I can't even remember when, and children too. Actually, I find the most solace with my weenie girls. I don't know what I'd do without them. I think you'll get on through to the other side. Look for the silver linings. Unless one has experienced mental issues, they really have no idea what a day to day struggle it is (and that is the key - day to day.) Be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteYou are so kind and thoughtful to take the time to give me encouragement at this challenging time. After several days of rain and grey sky the sun is shinning and is very welcomed. Day at a Time is so difficult at times but so important. I am happy for you that you have your doggies. And, I sure know the heart of that statement. It is almost a year since my Lily left for the rainbow bridge. It would be great if I could get another dog but I don't think I can manage the expenses with my tiny budget and the work involved to provide a good home. Day at a Time! Sending beautiful energy your way.
DeleteI'm sorry... life is very hard sometimes and like you said, it DOES take alot of work to try to move through depression, sadness, loss, grief, and lack of motivation. Sending prayers your way. Marilyn
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet gesture on your part, Marilyn. I know you can relate. Thank you. Take special care. Blessings.
DeleteI am keeping you in my prayers dear friend. If it helps-you should know you bring joy to me when I read your lovely blog entries and study your wonderful garden photos.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you've shared this, Mary, because I believe so many of us are just struggling with things we ought not to be! I can never tell if it's just life, financial strain, the way society is going, from deep hurts in family matters, or is it all of the above for so many people?! One thing I know and cling to is my faith in the Lord, despite the fact that I feel I keep falling off the wagon! I feel so easily defeated, but ultimately my hope lies in His Word and believing that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning". Please know that I have a great fondness for you, though we are only acquaintances across the miles, and I truly feel that you are a beautiful, talented, and tender soul! Anytime you feel like you may want to chat beyond our replies on the blogs, please feel free to do so because I would love to grow into a deeper friendship with you!
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