The Mysteries Of Who Gets What

My Granddaughter and her little family of four have Covid-19 !!  Now, Why ? Is there really an answer to that question that we will accept ?  This family has followed the guidelines to full extent .  Of course , just the fact that the word "family" is in my question is a possible factor .

(google image)

There is no way activities of daily living that take you away from home can be reduced to almost nothing as I have been able to do as an elder living a simple lifestyle , alone and in relatively good health regarding body systems other than my Skeleton System and its related components .  However , my pre-existing Hypertension puts me in a compromised category .

Because of Medical Confidentiality they are not given information regarding route of transmission . The possibility is that the school bus driver may be part of the equation . He/she may not have even know if they had the virus.

The family all have symptoms that have been manageable and are practicing Quarantine Directives.  The father is able to perform his employment obligations in management from home .  And , that is a great blessing .  Positive energy and prayers are welcome for complete recovery for all of them . 

Of course , Science has a lot of answers to the question . And the Who and Why is a lot more of a  Philosophical question that is above my pay scale for tonight .  

(nearby hospital)

But , what we can do is to follow ALL of the CDC Guidelines and take personal responsibility and respect and care for one another.  Fractured compliance results in more deaths .

Show love for one another regardless of the adjectives that you use to describe that person .

Mary

Note . This is the day I was scheduled for knee surgery . I am so thankful that I have postponed the procedure . I do not want to be in the hospital for an elective procedure especially with the virus numbers spiraling ! And , this county is now in the PURPLE (most restrictive) tier for COVID infections .

My Heart Is So Warm And Soft And Filled With Joy

I could not wait any longer to share with you the profound happiness I feel for my Granddaughter in her journey of finding the realization of what a true and real mother feels like !  She and her little young family experienced a beautiful travel trip and visit with her mother , her mother's husband and her half sister .  It appears like there would not be a better way to describe this great life experience other than beautiful !  And , it sounds like it was LOVE, LOVE and MORE LOVE !

I have always tried to be by her side as best I could as she traveled through her tumultuous life from infancy .  Early on I was not allowed to be involved even when the military brought them from Korea to the States when she was about 2 years of age !  She is a beautiful biracial human being !!! Eventually , she was able to learn about me and who I am !  Through brief summer vacation visits when she was old enough to come alone we became closely bonded as Grandma and Granddaughter .  The  years were nothing resembling normal for her and it is difficult for me to comprehend how traumatic and dysfunctional her day to day existence was including a very emotionally and physically abusive step-mother during her high school years and  thereafter until not to long ago when she took the stance of  "enough is enough" . "I will live my own life - thank you" .  But she always knew she had my never ending unconditional love even when we had very little interaction and the relationship was threatened by outside influences . Sadly , some of the fall-out of her life of just surviving landed in my lap . By that I mean , I was not at her college graduation or her wedding but she knew my love was with her .

                         (on the right)
And , when the time most miraculously came about a couple years ago that was leading up to possible reunification with her mother I strongly but gently encouraged her to soften her heart and to nurture the process .  It is so difficult when falsehoods are planted in a babies/child's head about an absent parent .  We know it happens all to often .  But, I did not have any idea of the magnitude of the damaging dialogue which she experienced until she recently shared with me . 

All through the years her mother was yearning to have her daughter as a part of her life - - - - like she had always been a part of her heart !

My Granddaughter has evolved into an impressive woman .  She is married to an exceptional partner . Remember it takes work of two people to have exceptional partnering !  The mother of two children. Finished her Bachelor of Science Degree while working part time and pregnant with their second child .  She has been substitute teaching and continuing with her education (on line) taking 18 units each term to complete a teaching credential .  When she recently received her grades she was disappointed when she received one B grade along with all A's !  And ,  she also was home schooling the last month or so due to the pandemic .  All of this along with being A Mother and A Wife which is no easy task on its own !  If it is worth having it is worth working for .  And , most people have to work for what they want !

My life is one of many compartments and this is one of utmost JOY .

Thank you for sharing this JOY with me .





Mary

When Reading Old Town History

Or , history of any kind .  But , at the moment I have just finished reading a bit of town history in one of the local newspapers on the Internet about a Frosty Shop that originated in the 1960's with signature soft cream ice cream returning after a few years of closure and being reincarnated .

(google image)

This snippet of the days news raised my awareness of how much I enjoy history and how my reading experience has changed since I have become one of "those older folks" .

When I moved to the mountains over 25 years ago and I was of 53 years of age I had no idea that I would still be living in "my little dream home" today .  Thankful, thankful, thankful .  Actually, did not give it any thought . I say "dream home" because I often wondered if I would ever get past the days of "renting" following my divorce and sale of a home my husband had built and we lived in together for most of 9 years until a divorce .  Following a life that felt extremely fortunate because at such a young age the picture of a happy healthy little family with two little children (a boy and a girl at that) and a dog and a cat (no - just a cat) , loving one another , stay-at home mother and nicely employed father and a church going family with children in private/perochial school) , how could life have changed so drastically and quite unexpectedly ?  After all , at the time , in many circles , wasn't that the picture of a Life That Had It All ?  Think about it .  Wasn't it the Silent Generation for Women ?  It wasn't long before the Modern Women’s Emancipation began.  Now , that's a whole new subject .  And a Hot One at that .  Maybe another time !

Life as a single parent with almost no extended family emotional support and  next to no interaction from an estranged children's father , working as a Nurse and renting  an apartment or house became the norm for 18 years , moving from one home to another based on the event of the rent being raised ! It was a time of feeling like I had failed by my families standard , and they let me know it !  However . through judicious effort , to become a home/mortgage owner , that accomplishment became reality over 25 years ago .  What an exciting time it was for me .  And , I did it on my own by saving every penny possible . Now , that was a tight budget !

Let me tell you that is enough to give you an expanded view of history and life in general .  Life is not a bowl of cherries - yes, there are pits and a lot of them .

Now, back to the Frosty Shop ! The Frosty Shop is returning to the same location after being closed for several years at the same location .

(google photo-2020)

I remember shortly after moving here a new acquaintance introduced me to the Columbia Frosty on a hot summer day . It was a small building along the road to another place .  There were many cars and trucks parked and people milling around with a Frosty cone in hand and their summer parched tongue delighting in the cool soft feeling .  Oh , was that Soft Serve ice cream great ?

Until recently, I did not fully know the history of this unforgettable "little stop in the road".  After reading a very nice history review of this delightful place I realized how my reading was highlighted with my awareness of dates and a quick reflection of my own life at that time . It was as if I was reliving that exact moment in time but in a distant location of my very own private life! The description of the evolution of events and years of Frosty , which were lengthy carried me along in tandem with my very own life .

There was another Frosty before Columbia Frosty . The other Frosty was built in the early 60's in a nearby town that is now more than 200 feet below the surface of the local reservoir . The town was drowned in the early 70's when the Reservoir was built . It was a terrible time for the about 75 people left when their homes and businesses were buried in water for the reservoir .

The owner of the Frosty disassembled the Frosty and took pieces up to Columbia to use to build the new Columbia Frosty . That was in 1967 . And, they ran the business for a long time .

I remember the historic taste of a great Frosty Cone and usually along side of a juicy hamburger with french fries made to perfection when I lived in a different location , but in California .  And , that was before the mass production of fast food . The norm was for families to usually eat at home generally around the kitchen table . At least that was the stereotype description of meal time !

Columbia Frosty was closed for a few years and sat empty along the roadside . And I often wondered if it would open again .  And , now we are going to have "Our Frosty" back . And , the new owners will know how to get it right .  They both have lived in the area since childhood and remember walking from school over to Frosty to get a nice tall Soft Cream Frosty .

This has been a nice journey down memory lane .  And , it so happens that I just took dinner from the oven called Mom's Tuna Casserole . Now , does that sound like the 50" and 60's and the thereafter . Recently saw the recipe and thought that sounds good . I can't count the times past how many Tuna Casseroles I have made! How coincidental . Funny how things work , sometimes .

Who knows what will drift through my brain next time I sit down to write something?

Stay Safe . No comfort thinking about state of affairs!

Mary

How Fast They Grow

From This -

                                                       To This -

And , such softness and a truly gentle soul mixed in with a little sass! This little gal (my great granddaughter) has the most beautiful deposition and seems to have comfort/confidence beyond her years .

And, big brother ( my great grandson) turning seven years old .

And, a year ago trying to teach his sister to read . Such tender love.

And, such a great little boy .

I am so proud of them and Mom and Dad are doing a terrific loving  job of parenting .

Their Mom did not have the option as a child growing up to be parented by her own mother for no fault of her mother . Blessedly , during the past very recent years my granddaughter has had the opportunity to get acquainted with her birth mother via phone and in person .  I think you can appreciate the challenges of this family dynamic ! Today , the little family is leaving by car to visit her mother and her family in a nearby state for the first time.  It will be a short trip and all pandemic precautions will be strictly adhered to . No hugging but meaningful interaction at a distance .  This little trip has been postponed several times and this seems to be the right time . I am so delighted for all concerned and I look forward to the day that I can have some limited involvement and become reacquainted . And , I understand her mother feels likewise . So beautiful that these little ones will get to know this Grandma and her family more and her place in the whole family .

Life certainly can have a lot of twists and turns .  And , it is so important to walk carefully and lovingly .

God Bless All Of Them and may they be safe and blessed in this adventure !

Mary

What Day Is It ?

What YEAR is it ?  OH YA !   It's Monday, January 13 , 2020.  The days are already flying past me .

I am not quite sure why but I have been in quite a Hibernation Mode . Not getting much done nor caring if I do or do not !  Of course the gloomy winter days are no help for me .  However , there have been a lot of nice sunny days sprinkled among the rainy grey days or just overcast days .  Why is today different ? Not quite sure but I may have an answer or not . Now that life has quieted down and the permeating holiday emotional overload is in my rear view mirror I have decided to start using the CBD-rich Whole Hemp Extract that in the past I had researched and purchased .  It has only been a few days and I decided to use a slightly lower dose - - - - - - - - - and it may be helping me to feel more in tune with life .  Too early to know but I am very hopeful .

It has been  several months since the last contact with my Granddaughter in August . And, I decided to give her a call the Monday before Christmas . I am so blessed that the phone visit went exceptionally well and we have been able to "mend some fences" .  She has had a very volatile relationship with her stepmother ever since she entered her life , about ten years ago .  Unbelievable dysfunction including emotional as well as serious physical abuse .  As my Granddaughter (age 27, happily married and a mother) is maturing she is finding ways to live without allowing any of these past horrible behaviors (mostly verbal as of late) to be a part of her life .  Prior to the past ten years , we always had a very fun loving relationship .  She says she will always treasure  those memories and she wants to have a relationship like we had in the past .  Oh , how happy that makes me !!  And she realizes how hurtful is has been for me to be on the receiving end of the "fall out" of such unnecessary despicable behaviors . Hopefully , I will be able to see her and my precious Great Grandchildren and her husband more often .

(2017)

(Christmas Day 2019)

I really love this photo of their annual family visit (her husband's side of family) to the snow on Christmas Day .  Three generations including Grandpa in the middle , two sons , their wives and their families . My Granddaughter is on the far left .

It sure feels like my family relationships have been very sadly and severely influenced for years by outside sources that have an agenda . Malicious behavior I have received since my daughter married her second husband has wounded me severely .  Prior , we had a very close loving relationship .  And, my relationship with my son since his current marriage ten years ago has been totally devastating .  From the time of his birth it has been difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with him for  Reasons I have mentioned in the past . 

I think that following my laborious efforts in my life to find my way to enjoy a grateful life and the fact that my " sunset years " are moving along - what feels like quickly - I would like to make the effort once again to bring my little family together .  My son and daughter have not talked with each other for years .  Very very sad situation for all . I do not have a plan or idea of a plan .  It is something I must ponder for a while and maybe I can come up with something , maybe not .

Shepherding my little family with little outside help during the early days was certainly a very tough avenue to travel .  And the road traveled since , has been rocky for years.  I certainly did not anticipate the current  family dynamics !  When my mind takes me to thoughts of sadness I force my mind to to repeat in my head the words "Live in the Moment" - - - and it helps me to shift into gratitude and happiness for all the wonderful things about my life at the present time .

Great Granddaughter sweetness !!!

Sending Happy and Good things to all of you .

Mary

The Squeaky Wheel Gets - - -

The Oil or sometimes gets Replaced !   Remember, we have become a "Throw Away Society". 😞

As I have persisted in my search to find some answers to some persistent  health issues I think I finally am getting what I would have expected from a Competent Medical System a couple years ago when I started this inquiry .  Today I received a comprehensive medical review from an Oncologist .  It was a different M.D. than who I expected to see .  This doctor is on a temporary assignment to assist staffing at our local hospital.  In my opinion, he is a very straight forward, very knowledgeable , well seasoned (age 67), Hematologist, Oncologist, Internal Medicine Physician from San Francisco/Berkeley area .  His reviews on the internet are quite a rigid dichotomy of "love" (5 score) or "hate" (1 score) and nothing in between .  The consultation dialog went smoothly and then he stated that he would be ordering a LOT OF TESTS !  And, that was music to my ears .  That is what I have wanted !!!   He ordered many lab tests, ultrasound of Abdomen and ultrasound of Liver as well as a PET scan . Oh, and also Colo-guard (you know - the TV commercial) .

All the recent doctors I have seen have asked more than once if I have been a problem alcohol drinker or hepatitis patient .  And, I am not!!!  It seems that the Liver is an organ of concern . And, the Enlarged Spleen is secondary to a diagnosis to be determined .  The doctor stated "We are looking for lymphoma" and I knew that.  There is that C-word again!  However , there is concern of a possible diagnosis of what is called Portal Hypertension which is also a serious issue .  There is so much more info, but this gives a little idea of what is going on .

The When I say many lab tests - - they took 14 vials of blood ! Yes, 14 Vials !!  Good thing I have nice veins !  The Phlebotomist was grateful .  When I returned home there already was a message from the Radiologist office.  Ultrasounds and the PET Scan are scheduled for next  week and the return MD appointment is two weeks from today for review of tests and discussion .

I am feeling very optimistic about my future . Having said that,  I am a realist and have had a lot of time to ponder what decision I would make if I was presented with life saving options .  And, my decision remains the same .  I am 80 years old without any family involvement and really no support system and I see no reason to consider chemotherapy and/or radiation therapy .  Why would I consider subjecting myself to such a catastrophic portentous experience ?  I have lived a long life and I have arrived at a place of feeling Daily Gratitude and Happiness and Living each day to the fullest . And, I plan to go out that way . God Willing .

Love One Another . Life Is Precious .  Until next time .

Mary

Eighty Of Them

It is difficult to really believe that I actually would need eighty candles for my Birthday cake today if I was going to have a Cake !

Maybe, it would look something like this !

 

Not like many women, birthdays have never been an issue for me .  I don't know why .  Maybe, I was very busy doing my best and trying to get from one day to another !   I don't think it had anything to do with the fact that I am a twin !  However, it is quite sad that my twin brother and I were never close .  And, now he is the only living relative that I have other than my adult children and  granddaughter.  Much to my disappointment my life journey did not include much family activity and no extended family .  My childhood family members were not the least bit close !  My brothers did not like each other and did not enjoy going home to be with family.  I do not remember many celebrations of any kind through the years .  Just because I do not remember does not mean that there weren't any.

The family did not get together very often and reminisce and make more and new memories .  I think a lot of memories come from those reminiscing times and family reunions.  Through the years I have been blessed with many wonderful friends .  But, now they have passed on .

Well, that is that !!!  And now I am going to focus on the tremendous blessings I live with day after day !   And, I may go downtown to one of our nice restaurants and enjoy a Birthday Dinner Celebration for myself .  Happy Birthday To Me .  Life is Good .

May your days be filled with love of friends and family .

Mary

Is Life Fair And More

Of course not !  But , most of life is GOOD until one day a big boulder (figuratively speaking)  hits you in the face and throws you off your feet .  As you may know I currently am faced with some serious and somewhat mysterious (no diagnosis) health issues .   I have been facing the situation head on and doing the best I know how to regain my health.  And then a BIG BOULDER CAME ALONG totally unexpectedly and hit me forcefully and knocked me down - - - - - - but, I'm Back Up again!

Out of the blue, the terribly Dysfunctional Family Dynamics of my life raised its ugly head .  The events were so very strange and troubling even involving the county sheriff .  It was crazy, crazy, crazy !

I wasn't even home . I was at an my monthly appointment with my Psychologist.  Just where I needed to be . When I arrived home, there was a note on the front door . And that's when the craziness started . The STRESS of this event is not wanted and I am working hard to regain my emotional equilibrium .

Setting that aside and acknowledging SOMETHING OF GREATER IMPORTANCE .  The HORRENDOUS MASS SHOOTINGS AND MURDERS continue and grow in number .  It is difficult to comprehend how our Country could have changed so radically in my lifetime . I feel so fortunate to have lived most of my life in a society that valued one another .  Sure, we know there has always been conflict of one kind or another but nothing could prepare us for today's world .  In my younger life I often attended the Garlic Festival in California and it seems so unfathomable that such mayhem is happening nearby . I pray that our Government Officials will do what is proper for the well-being of our Country .

I continue to try and work in my garden .  Recently, I have added some Lantana plants .  Lantana is a plant that brings memories of childhood .  I guess it could be called an old fashioned plant .

This is the plant that prompted my interest and then one thing lead to another . And, of course it is frequently a situation of what is available in the garden center !!! 

Yes, three different colors and characteristics .  Each variety has a designated place in my garden . Photos of them in my garden coming soon .

I'll be back soon . Next medical appointment Thursday morning .

Take good care of yourself !

Mary

Moments To Ponder

It is hard to believe that it would be a week of celebration of a Sixtieth Wedding Anniversary if I had stayed married to my children's father and he had not left us .  And - - - he had lived .

Yes, this photo is in muted colors !

It is not with bitterness that I write this but more with some thoughts of sadness .  Yes, after this many years and having lived a life filled with many life experiences which included 8 years out of 10 years of married life that were the happiest years of my life until recently .

We met when he was yet a boy at age fifteen and I was a mere girl child at the age of fifteen .  We were attending the same church along with our parents .  Not an uncommon event for the times in the fifties .  He was beside my side through the years of high school and the years of my rigorous nurses training .  We truly were in love as we knew love at the time !  Following completion of my Registered Nurses training/schooling at age 19 we were married (in the church, of course) on July 5, 1959 .

We were extremely happy even though my parents weren't as happy .  No surprise there !  There certainly were no excessive funds provided for my very simple wedding .  But, we were just happy to be married !

Life was as happy as I could ever have imagined !  I passed my State Board Exams as a Registered Nurse and my husband was very busy working as a Carpenter .  We had our first child when we were 21 and the next one when we were 23 .  Prior to the birth of our second child my husband and friends were able to build a house that we were able to move into when our daughter was only six weeks old.  It was a great three bedroom, two bath house .  I was able to be a "Stay at Home Mom" and I loved it .

Life was moving along beautifully as a young family of the fifties .  We knew we were fortunate to live the life we were living . Nothing extravagant but nicely comfortable .

Photo taken in 1966 . Red Velvet Mother/Daughter Christmas dresses that I sewed .

AND THEN  - - - - -

Out of necessity , my husbands employment changed radically from outdoor carpentry to indoor NIGHT shift Computer office work .  And, I had to start working as a nurse on DAY shift . It was a very tumultuous time for us .  Very Unfortunately , before long he became involved at work with co-workers and illegal drug use .  He left us in early 1969 and he passed away at the age of 47 !

And, That Is My Story .

As we know and I have often said "Life can change in the blink of an eye" .  I could write a lot more but let's just say "That Is My Story" and I am very Thankful for the years that were very Lovingly Beautiful .

Now, let's go enjoy some Fireworks !  Are you coming with me ?

Mary

Do You Have A Santa Fisherman Visiting Your Tree - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - And Christmas Emotion

This cute little fella has been in my Christmas decorations storage for a very long time .  When I  choose to decorate a tree this little guy always gets a special spot.  The ornament is mechanized so that the gift box raises and lowers when a little switch is turned on.  Considering that this is quite old, it was very unique at the time of purchase .  Even though my favorite tree is usually decorated in a soft pink and gold Victorian theme,  I always find a place for this little special man .

The Holiday Season is presenting me with a HUGE CHALLENGE this year in my efforts to cherish the season that I have generally enjoyed in my adult life .  That does not mean that every year has been joyous and festive but this year has brought a different level of burdensome emotion .

This year has been so very good in so many ways but it has also been a very hard year with major decisions that I had to make by myself . Nonetheless,  the year is ending with never could have expected joys that have made my life easier but that doesn't always soothe the troubled heart that misses all my friends that have passed on and a totally disengaged family .  As I allow myself to reflect on my life an image of a very difficult and challenging life with some brief interludes of comfort and joy is portrayed before me.  Lots and lots of life experiences but most that were bitter sweet !!  

The most traumatic event of my life started in 1969  when my husband lost his very good job due to the death of his father/boss.  He had great difficulty finding employment until he found a job in the computer industry working Night Shift .  By that time I had started working as an RN at the local hospital starting work at 7AM. I had not worked in my profession following graduation 9 years earlier and now I was also the mother of two wonderful children.  Maybe you can imagine how terrified I felt working in such a high responsibility profession !  To make a long story short - my husband became involved with illegal drugs at his workplace and thereafter left us.  Total surprise.  He no longer wanted to be a husband or father.  At the age of 47 he died of complications of years of drug use .  He was found on the freeway at 3AM in the back of his pickup truck.

The emotional abuse through the years from a mostly very dysfunctional small family (mostly from my mother) has left deep scars .  But, I feel blessed that I have had the strength to pursue psychotherapy throughout the years which I cannot imagine living without .  

There is no doubt in my mind that as I have traversed this long journey with seldom a soft spot to fall on , the years are taking a toll on me .  I have come to know that I am a strong person and have worked hard to have the life I have and I know I will find the strength to find solutions to enhance the vision I currently have of my life.  

When I reach deep into my thoughts is is clear to me also  that the Current State Of Affairs Of Our Country is having a pervading negative and sometime frightening influence. I feel that I have to fill the holes in my life with positive people and activities . It is easy to say but very challenging to achieve especially with the limitations that are inherent as we age. 

Church attendance and involvement can help many but for me it is a huge beacon of hurt .  The memories including feeling that church was more important than any of my needs (as portrayed by my mother) along with being on the receiving end of prolonged sexual harassment from a 5th grade parochial school teacher and  many other dissatisfying church related experiences does not foster any warm, safe and nurturing thoughts . Many years ago when trying to attend church I would find that I did not have control over the tears that would endlessly fall down on my cheeks .  That visual is still powerful for me .  Lest that I forget the meaningful activities associated with my occasional church involvement in my adult years .

Needless to say,  My children (now adults) have suffered tremendously from their father walking away and the lack of unconditional love from family members.  And also the lack of healthy role models in their everyday life.

With all of this "Deep Thinking" I am beginning to formulate some ideas to counteract my current  mindset .  I will share with you any new approaches that I pursue in the near future . 

I am having a struggle with hitting the publish button .  It may take me a day or so !!!

The Very Best to all of you.

Mary

Do I Miss The Thanksgiving Countdown As A Hostess

You bet I do !!!  As a girl growing up in the 50's it is not surprising that I enjoyed the thought of some day having a family surrounding a festive large Turkey feast in honor of all the blessings throughout the year and for our Founding Fathers of America .  Reportedly, the history of the First Thanksgiving has many versions of the reality .

One description of the event is as follows . "In 1789, George Washington declared Thursday, Nov. 26, a Thanksgiving holiday, but only for that year, and it wasn’t connected to the Pilgrim feast but rather intended as a “public thanksgiving and prayer” devoted to “the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be.”   History has many versions, doesn't it?  Lots of varied information about what food was served , who attended , where and when - and why !

Personally, I like to focus on the word THANKFULNESS.  This is a definition of the word that resonates with me .  "The definition of thankfulness is our way of understanding what we see, hear and feel. Our own way of measuring our way in life. It is one of the only things that we have in our lives that solely belongs to ourselves no one can ever interact with your thankfulness."

I am so grateful for the years in my life when I was a young wife and mother who had the opportunity to have a three generation family around my holiday dinner on many occasions .

Unfortunately, there never were any grandparents of mine or aunts, uncles, cousins , nieces or nephews around the table .  I was the first of my siblings to have children even though I was youngest. My parents migrated from Minnesota to California on there honeymoon in the late 1920's.  Which meant that I grew up without knowing any relatives .   I yearned to have grandparents and relatives present in my life .  

But, I cherished the countdown of preparation for holiday meals .  I have always enjoyed cooking and baking as well as holiday decorating .  

This is a turkey that I roasted a few years ago .  It was nice to know that I still had the knack for it.  And, I find a lot of enjoyment in selecting and preparing all the sides dishes and pies/desserts . 

I little decor from the past .

This tablescape lends itself to the theme of Thanksgiving  -  I think .  Just a few vintage Johnson Brothers Windsor Ware dishes in Garden Bouquet pattern from a local thrift shop .  I like my vintage gold Acorn salt and pepper shakers that I received in the 1960's .

It's so good to have lots of good memories even though I have had too many holidays alone.  It is what it is - and I am very thankful for all the goodness in my life .

May all of you enjoy your Thanksgiving even if it is a bit challenging if your current circumstances are more challenging than usual.

Mary

Mothers

I hope this special day on the calendar has been what you may have hoped for.

For many years Holidays have been unpleasant experiences for me other than when My Special Man was in my life. He made certain that he took special care of me on Mother's Day especially because following my daughter's second marriage her relationship with me changed dramatically in all regards .  It is sad how that can happen especially since we had a very close relationship and we always were in regular contact.   She never had any children and I would describe her current husband as a very selfish controlling and possessive person.  One way of describing him is to say "lots of red flags".  I really do not know if she is happy. 

And, my son has never lived nearby and spent many years living in Europe and Asia while in the Air Force Military.  If you are familiar with my blog, you may have a little insight into the complexities of his life.   And, I really do not know if he is happy with his life either.

Realizing that the many years of raising them as a single parent were some of the most difficult years of my life saddens me that they choose to alienate me .  The fact that they really did not have any healthy role models or loving supportive extended family certainly can have detrimental  effects on  children - as well as a mother .

I feel so blessed and grateful that I have come to a place in my life of acceptance of what IS and not let it take away my ability to find joy in the present while remaining receptive to any positive changes in the future .  Acceptance without expectation works for me.  And, my motherly desire for them to live a happy life can never be taken from me.

Just one comment in regards to my own Mother .  The day she left this earth,  I felt like a bird out of a cage.  I don't mean to sound harsh but it is what it is.  My young life was one of feeling very alone because of all the overly harsh  restrictions and isolation from my peers and experiences of simply "growing up".  But, I certainly learned how to clean toilets and work hard in the home until it was perfect!!  As the saying goes, if they knew better, they would do better. I hope there is truth in that saying?

I have enjoyed a very peaceful day, nurturing my cat, Ivy and playing in my garden that provides me so much joy and peace.

Blessings to All.

Mary 

It's Really Nice

I can't begin to explain how much better I am feeling.  I am still the same age with all that goes with that fact.  But, I am still in amazement at how once the leg pain stopped, it really stopped.  And, I only need very little medication.  I am so very grateful!  And, the challenging aspects of life are a lot easier to roll with.  I am making progress in my "method thinking", my term for intentionally sweeping the non-essential (usually  hurtful) thoughts away from my presence.  My psyche is beginning to feel like a Butterfly that has found FREEDOM to fly to heights of happiness, love, forgiveness and acceptance never experienced before.  Baby Steps !

Just wanted to pop in and share with you how my moment is going.  And, thanks for all of the encouragement. There is so much more to life than where you are going to shop, what you have, where you vacation, who likes you and who does not.  Let Sunshine Shine.

Have a Wonderful Day.

Mary

San Francisco Wedding At City Hall

San Francisco is a Beautiful City with a Beautiful City Hall and can be a Beautiful Venue for a Wedding.

(source-Google)

This is my Granddaughter yesterday following her marriage in San Francisco.  Such a beautiful bride.

(source-google)
And, this is the Wedding Venue!

These photos of the bride and groom were taken by a guest at the wedding and were on her Facebook page.  The professional photos will take a while for processing.

I am so happy for them and their children.

My head is filled with a myriad of emotions this evening.  I guess the only thing I will say is that I have a tremendous amount of sadness regarding family relationships.  And, I look foreward to seeing the photos of my Great Grandchildren as I understand they were going to be in the wedding.

Well, the week is nearing an end and I hope your week has been going well.  It has been a difficult week filled with severe back/leg pain along with heavy emotions on several fronts.

Remember to always take good care of yourself and the ones you love.

Mary

Today Is My Son's 57th Birthday

As is often said by mothers of a certain age,  "How did this happen so fast"?  It can't be so. but it is !  He really is 57 ! ! !   If you follow my blog you realize that my memories of this time of new life has been very bittersweet.  Even though it was a challenging time of unknowns we carried on as best as we could.

His due date was December 5 but he wasn't born until December 20.  Having a Birthday five days before Christmas is not a desire of any child I have known.  So, it was not unusual for us to party and celebrate his Birthday in the middle of the summer.  I recall one year when we had a big party with a Pinata in a decorated garage where there was plenty of room to swing the stick to strike the suspended Pinata and gather the falling candy.

Another party that was popular at the time was to have a Birthday Party in an Ice Cream Parlor.  I recall arranging the party following his father's departure from the family!

I would so enjoy being able to be with my son today, on his Birthday.  However,  "I don't think it is in the cards" this year nor do I think it will happen in the future.

For many years we also celebrated his Birthday with a Christmas Cookie Party.  I would usually bake at least 20 different types of cookies. All the ol' favorites like Spritz, Thumbprint, Pfeffernusse, Sugar Cutout Frosted Cookies, Russian Tea Cakes, Snickerdoodles, Peanut Butter Blossoms, Chocolate Fudge, Molasses Crinkles, Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Ginger Bread Men and Swedish Rosettes.  All those cookies presented a beautiful display of holiday colors.  And, of course everyone of them looked especially celebratory if we chose to add a Birthday Candle!

It would be so nice if I had a color photo of the display to share.

From the moment I got out of bed this morning I have been in more pain than usual.  I believe it is from all the maneuvers during the physical exam yesterday at the doctors appointment.  I do not seem to be able to determine a consistent pattern of what causes the greatest pain aggravation.  Would you believe that when I saw the doctor yesterday, I had very minimal pain.  Go figure? 

That's it for today.  Be safe and take special care.

Mary