What Day Is It ?

What YEAR is it ?  OH YA !   It's Monday, January 13 , 2020.  The days are already flying past me .

I am not quite sure why but I have been in quite a Hibernation Mode . Not getting much done nor caring if I do or do not !  Of course the gloomy winter days are no help for me .  However , there have been a lot of nice sunny days sprinkled among the rainy grey days or just overcast days .  Why is today different ? Not quite sure but I may have an answer or not . Now that life has quieted down and the permeating holiday emotional overload is in my rear view mirror I have decided to start using the CBD-rich Whole Hemp Extract that in the past I had researched and purchased .  It has only been a few days and I decided to use a slightly lower dose - - - - - - - - - and it may be helping me to feel more in tune with life .  Too early to know but I am very hopeful .

It has been  several months since the last contact with my Granddaughter in August . And, I decided to give her a call the Monday before Christmas . I am so blessed that the phone visit went exceptionally well and we have been able to "mend some fences" .  She has had a very volatile relationship with her stepmother ever since she entered her life , about ten years ago .  Unbelievable dysfunction including emotional as well as serious physical abuse .  As my Granddaughter (age 27, happily married and a mother) is maturing she is finding ways to live without allowing any of these past horrible behaviors (mostly verbal as of late) to be a part of her life .  Prior to the past ten years , we always had a very fun loving relationship .  She says she will always treasure  those memories and she wants to have a relationship like we had in the past .  Oh , how happy that makes me !!  And she realizes how hurtful is has been for me to be on the receiving end of the "fall out" of such unnecessary despicable behaviors . Hopefully , I will be able to see her and my precious Great Grandchildren and her husband more often .

(2017)

(Christmas Day 2019)

I really love this photo of their annual family visit (her husband's side of family) to the snow on Christmas Day .  Three generations including Grandpa in the middle , two sons , their wives and their families . My Granddaughter is on the far left .

It sure feels like my family relationships have been very sadly and severely influenced for years by outside sources that have an agenda . Malicious behavior I have received since my daughter married her second husband has wounded me severely .  Prior , we had a very close loving relationship .  And, my relationship with my son since his current marriage ten years ago has been totally devastating .  From the time of his birth it has been difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with him for  Reasons I have mentioned in the past . 

I think that following my laborious efforts in my life to find my way to enjoy a grateful life and the fact that my " sunset years " are moving along - what feels like quickly - I would like to make the effort once again to bring my little family together .  My son and daughter have not talked with each other for years .  Very very sad situation for all . I do not have a plan or idea of a plan .  It is something I must ponder for a while and maybe I can come up with something , maybe not .

Shepherding my little family with little outside help during the early days was certainly a very tough avenue to travel .  And the road traveled since , has been rocky for years.  I certainly did not anticipate the current  family dynamics !  When my mind takes me to thoughts of sadness I force my mind to to repeat in my head the words "Live in the Moment" - - - and it helps me to shift into gratitude and happiness for all the wonderful things about my life at the present time .

Great Granddaughter sweetness !!!

Sending Happy and Good things to all of you .

Mary