I Don't Know How I Feel

 But , I know I do Not like it !  Ivy has the right idea - - - 

Dig deep and hide ?  No , no , no . Got to face the dilemma and change it .  It seems like so many emotions of life past are flooding my brain and it hurts deeply !   I have lived a long life and it seems that most every step of the way has been one of internal struggle that had to be camouflaged with a smile on my face . And , I now live with the reality of the damage that lingers following many years of working hard to find joy in my life .  For understandable reasons the word ALONE is banging in my head .

Yes , it is a very difficult time for all of us with the heavy presence of Covid-19 , unlike any other time in our lives .  Yes , my list of gratitude is almost endless .  But , that does not supersede the emotions of the moment . 

Even though I have written many paragraphs more I am going to stop here and refresh my mind with positive thoughts wherever I can find them . 

Just one mention of Ivy and her DISLIKE of the new cat condo .  She does not like it at all . Hiding in the bedroom . Has not run around playing since it came into her home . The carpet covering has a terrible chemical smell .  It is so tall that I can not see her if she were to sleep on the top level . Can't return it .  Going to set it out at the end of the driveway with a sign - Free .  Hopefully someone can use it and it will be gone in the morning ! 

The sun is shining and I will spend some time outside even if it is just sitting outside watching the world go by .  Hate to mention it , but my pain level is "off the chart" .

Looking forward to brighter days !

Happy - to Everyone .

Mary