And, that girl was me! Sweet little Mary said those words while in a hospital sitting in a Psychiatrist office many years ago. A time when no unsavory words would ever pass through my lips! I perfected that word and added a few more! Every morning when the Psychiatrist visited me in my room the only words that promptly came out of my mouth were "Shit, I want to die". I was not in a very good space those days. I had experienced three very traumatic events very close together that pushed me over the hill. One of them being a divorce. Even though I had living relatives at that time I did not receive any help. Two brothers came one evening after I was home with their wives and went to dinner without even suggesting that they could bring some food back for us. I was too fragile and weak to go out. I weighed less than 100 pounds. Painful days! I was basically ignored by my mother. Her theory was founded on her spiritual belief that if I lived my life differently I would not have my serious troubles. I thought I was living a pretty honorable life raising two children and working night shift as a registered nurse! It was my employer and co-workers that stepped right up and helped me with meals on a regular basis and lots of loving encouragement.
My medical care, one month inpatient and after care was outstanding. They saved my life! Of course it was very hard work on my part. It took me about five years to feel like I had returned to what I thought was normal for me. I returned to work part time after six months and continued my recovery for many long years. It was a serious mental crash! And, I continually approach life with a new set of tools and knowledge on how to take care of myself when life sends me another thunderstorm!
The road to HERE has not been an easy one. There have been many difficult challenges. But, I continue to forge on and when I fall I try to quickly dust myself off and - "giddy up".
Shit, I feel good. And, it is Sunday. HA HA. Did I really say that WORD?
Mary
I must admit I say that word myself, sometimes more than others! Really, is it such a bad word??? I LOVE horses.. ha ha. I've been through a similar meltdown such as yours, back in my 30's. Took about 2 years to come "out of it" so to speak.. but it still kind of haunts me as I don't want to be in that place again. Life CAN pile up alot of shit on us... and somehow, we keep getting back up from under the pile.. and move onward. Amazing isn't it? Marilyn
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