It Is A New Year

And, I am excited to move forward in what feels like new adventures and opportunities .

It is not that the past year was a "bad year" but it sure was a full - very full year in my life .  And, with that came tremendous gratitude beyond any expectation .  Primarily and most significantly is the BENIGN outcome of extensive diagnostics related to unusual physical symptoms which included an enlarged spleen .  It's a little difficult to revisit those months of working hard to live in the moment taking one day at a time . I am so thankful that I was given the knowledge, strength and guidance to approach all of the challenging medical tests and what seemed like endless discussion of Cancer with calm , courage and acceptance of what may be . I'm feeling well and have no idea why the multiple symptoms and enlarged spleen .

Around November I had to see a Dermatologist for a small skin lesion on my forehead that was not healing and seemed to be increasing in size . The doctor used cryotherapy liquid nitrogen on the spot and asked me to return in a couple weeks because she did not think it was anything other than a scar keloid . When I returned she said that she would have to do a shave biopsy and that it may be a skin cancer . So, again it was time for me to delve down inside and be "calm, cool and collected" .  I am very happy to tell you that I received good news when she called with the results . No Cancer !  She described it as a blocked pore .  My search revealed it to be "an asymptomatic, solitary , enlarged pore with a keratin plug and normal surrounding skin".  Additionally, I viewed a TV show describing  the same issue by a Dermatologist .  I am so fortunate with the results and the small lesion is almost healed without scarring .

I came across some interesting information on Numerology of 2020 that I thought I would share with you . What is the 2020 numerology effect on the lives of all of us ?

2020 - - - - Never before and never again in our lifetime will there be two 2s and 2 zeros in our date .

When two numbers are the same , they are considered master numbers because they have double power of the number . In mastery , the energy will have a pivotal effect in our lives and in the world .

2020 numerology focus

For 10 years we were in the decade of the " 1 " . One is all about ego, leadership and action . It is the yang energy of pushing forward your ideas . This is the time on our earth where we were asked to expand our beliefs and take the lead .

We can witness with our politics that there is much ego being thrown around .  Many belief systems have emerged to produce change. It seems as if the belief systems during this decade have been taking turns with what is right and what is wrong.

Master 2s in 2020

Now we move into the master 2s. The two is the yin — intuitive connections and sensitivity with a view of fairness. This outlook is far different from living inside of self. The two, in comparison, seeks relationship and duality. Two sides to every argument, we have the opportunity to look at the bigger picture.  We have the choice of reaching past the “I” into the “we”.

Master 0s in 2020

The master zero (0) is the magical energy of potential – that which has never happened before. It is ‘conception’ before it is fully realized— the vision of an idea or intention of what we want in our lives without its limitations.  We are in the womb anxiously waiting to be birthed.

How will you move ahead in your life with the new energy of intention and connection in all your relationships? How can you reach past the “ I ” of the ego — the “I can’t”, the “I must”, and the “I have to control”?

Instead, envision what you really want. Not how. See your vision happening and let go of imagining its form. But you have to be present in your life before anything can shift in the areas of relationships and potential.

Check out this link 2020 for more on Numerology , if interested .

Let's move forward with Love in Our Hearts for taking care of one another !

Mary

Long Time Coming

I have three Agapanthus (Lily of the Nile) plants that I planted many years ago and they have never bloomed.  Of course, they are planted in rocky soil and are located down by the seasonal creek and have not received regular watering or much attention through the years.  However, during the past two years I have put more effort into that area of my gardens.

And, look at them NOW.  WOW-WOW-WOW.

I am really enjoying seeing them with their long spiky stems that makes them more visible from a distance.  And, better yet, they are multiplying with more small plants filling in the area.

The area in the left of the photo is where a lot of the Daylilies are planted. Because of the volume of the rock in the ground, I have always had difficulty  planting deep enough for the plant roots to grow strong.  I keep working on nourishing the ground by adding as much good healthy soil as I can.

The Agapanthus reminds me of when I had many in a garden past .  And, I thoroughly enjoyed making flower arrangements with them.  Another flower that was a favorite of mine for arranging was Bird of Paradise.  The arrangements were somewhat like Japanese Ikebana flower design.  Usually, I used a shallow black round or irregular vase with a spike frog to secure the heavy blossoms .  The black color vase gave it a touch of elegance.  Of course, any color combination can be created .

This arrangement is a little similar. It is an arrangement that I made in springtime 2011 for the church alter when the Daffodils and Stellata Magnolia were in bloom.  Beauty in simplicity !

There are so many creative outlets that I truly miss that were so enjoyable in the past.         New Times - New Adventures !           Onward to enjoyment of opportunities unknown to me at the present time .

It's a new week .  Hope you have some pleasant plans and your weather is conducive to those plans .  The HOT weather continues here in California .  And, the grass fires and wildfires persist in challenging our wonderful firefighters.

Be Safe .

Mary

Life In My Lane

After a couple overcast and somewhat rainy days we are having some very appreciated sunshine.  I do not know how my life can have so many roller coaster rides in so few days as it has recently.   In the interest of brevity I have only a few comments regarding the recent wedding activities.  They did not bring the joy to my heart as I had anticipated.  For me, it brought exclusion which was such a jolt to me. Only two times during the past six weeks have I spoken with my Granddaughter.  It seems that a check up phone call to me is not a priority in her life.   And, an email response from her yesterday shattered every window in my house - My Heart.  Enough of that stuff!  I know I am strong and this too shall pass.

I am happy to say that I am making some progress, slow as it may be, with using pain medication.  Unfortunely, I am very sensitive to narcotics. It is trial and error and I have to be careful not to overdose and use very small dosages by cutting the pills. I am determined to find the pain zone that is tolerable and gives me a better quality of life.  Pain does not define me!  I do not see surgical intervention in my future.  The surgery is just to frightening for me.   This is my recent MRI.

And, this is the recommended surgery.              NO THANK YOU.

I look forward to Spring Time and all the new life coming forth in the Garden.

This afternoon I plan to spend some time outside sitting in the sunshine and listening to the sounds of Nature.

Wishing you Happy Days.

Mary

When I Was 21 - - - - - A Distressful Post

In 1960 I gave birth to my first born - a precious baby boy.  

            Yes, I am a lot more transparent than any time in my seven years of blogging - for various reasons. One, is that I prefer to have the documentation and also the  "the insight"  may provide some useful information.

It was a wonderful time, happily married to a loving nicely employed man, schooling finished for the time being --- and pregnant. And what an easy and healthy pregnancy it was, without a minute of morning sickness or any prenatal complications.   When the word "Glow" is used to describe some pregnant women,   THAT was ME.  I was so happy, happy, happy!

Even though we were temporarily living an hour drive away from our "stomping grounds", we decided to have our baby at the hospital where I completed my RN Nursing Program.   Being a petite lady weighing a little over 100 pounds (before pregnancy) I was what some call   "All Baby".   When my due date came about on December 5,    no signs of a baby about to be born. I was so very ready emotionally and everything was prepared for the joyous event. Unfortunately, it was two weeks more before my water broke at 3 AM and we were on our way to the hospital. It was lovely to be greeted by a familiar smiling face at the hospital. That face belonged to one of my nursing classmates. They got me settled and LABOR was on it's way.

The contractions were getting harder and harder but it seemed like it was taking forever for the dilation numbers to move along to a higher number. There were many, many hours of fierce pain. Whatever they were doing for me in regards to pain management was NOT working. The pain was so very harsh and unbearable. Eventually, medication was administered that put me out. And, I didn't remember anything until my baby was brought to me in my room all bundled up and crying. My baby was a very unhappy baby. Not the least bit interested in nursing or being held. I was very lethargic and felt worse in ALL WAYS than I had ever felt in my life. I don't believe I can put it into words just how horrendous the experience was for me.

Now it is time for a CAVEAT. The following  information may contain TMI. You may want to shift your mind to reading this as if it is a medical informational post. Remember, this took place years ago. Procedures and philosophies have changed drastically since that time.

Unfortunately, VERY unfortunately, obstetrical forceps were used to (pull out) deliver my 8 pound, 6 ounce baby boy. My body was severely damaged and required an extensive episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus made just before delivery to enlarge the vaginal opening). Many sutures were placed and the discomfort and pain was nearly insufferable post anesthesia. There was very little helpful medical guidance. Complete relief from the stressful physical situation took more than 6 months.

I gave birth on December 20th and was discharged from the hospital on December 24th with my baby boy who seemed to be very unhappy and seemed to never stop crying. Allegedly, he was physically healthy and did not suffer any abnormalities.  My mother was with me for a week but made it very clear to us that she did not plan on being a babysitter! And, she meant it!

With trying to be as succinct as I can in telling you what my son's childhood was like, I will say. From day one, every new life experience for him was traumatic and there were hours and hours and hours of crying. He seemed to have fear of everything. Yes, of course, all available medical care was summoned to no avail. To me as a parent it seemed as though the medical professionals considered him to be "just a bad kid".  There never was baby/mother bonding.   And, life was super challenging for our little family. To this day, his behaviors, I would say, continues to be borderline in interpersonal relationships. Nothing seems to come easy for him, but he manages to get by in the margins of life.

Now, let's flash forward many years to when I was in my early 50's. I started noticing some rectal incontinence. It started around the same time as my serious back injury. So a lot was going on with me and my body. The first question was whether or not there was an association with the back surgery. Many invasive and may I say disgusting medical tests were completed at Stanford University Hospital. Some nerve evaluations along with practically every test (for down there) that you can imagine were completed during a three hour session while I was awake. That was one of the most horrible medical testing that I have ever experienced but ,   not even close to the distress of childbirth. When it was completed and I returned to the waiting room the first thing out of my mouth to my waiting friend was "I Need A Drink".   And, I hardly ever drink!

The results of the testing was a referral to a Neurological Proctologist.

Studies show that a large baby , a mother with small pelvic bones , a prolonged labor , a baby whose head is in the wrong position during labor , or the use of forceps can be associated with the development of incontinence.  Rectal Incontinence being the most difficult to manage.

But, let's try to move along regarding the difficult life my son has experienced.  Throughout his life, I have felt so very helpless.  And, he was certainly misunderstood.  After studying medical literature, speaking with many doctors and feeling profoundly happy about advancing medical science I believe that my son experienced   BRAIN INJURY   at the time of his birth. It is my thought that my presence triggers a psychological and visceral response of PAIN AND DANGER for my son! So - so tragic !!  Additionally, during his childhood he experienced a couple concussions, one when he fell from a height during playtime with friends at a very young age and he was hospitalized for two days. The other time was when he was "beat up" at school.   Terrible ! ! !

On a positive note, just think of all the football players with the current attention about concussions and blunt force to the head.  Thankfully, there is a lot more information about Brain Health!

Painfully, I tell you that many years have gone by periodically without contact with my son. Additionally, he was on foreign land many years of his military deployment. At one time I made all the arrangements to visit him in Korea.  At the last moment he "shut me out" and I cancelled the trip. Additionally, when he came to visit for my daughter's wedding, he left town the day before the event.    But the time may have come - - - along with some medical and professional psychological guidance that relationships and health for my little family may be improved before I am gone.

I pray that with knowledge, medical evaluations/treatment, new coping skills and gentle guidance that the remaining years of life for my adult children will be flowered with comfort, understanding, peace, forgiveness and excitement.

What a beautiful day we are having here in Northern California. The temperatures are very pleasant but reported to be rising to the high 90"s by the end of the week.

Happy Day To You.

Mary

A Little Catch Up

I am so happy for my Granddaughter and her little family. And, look at those precious little Great Grands of mine. They all look so festive in their 4th of July party clothes. I am so thankful that they are a happy little family.  He has a very good job and this past year they moved to a new house/home closer to his work and she finished her schooling with mostly A's (during which time they had two children) for her Bachelor of Arts Degree which she received this past month. At age 24 she is able to be a stay at home mom during these wonderful "growing up years" of the children. She is starting to relax and not feel so guilty about not working.

There will be a wedding in the near future which they are very excited about. They chose to wait for her schooling to be complete for her Bachelor's Degree because her tuition was paid if she was single. Today's world has so many odd twists and decisions!  

Brother - Sister Love!  So Sweet!  These little ones are so blessed to have loving and guiding parents.

I have been so busy doing a lot of outdoor work and pushing myself to the limit each day. But it's great to see things looking so much better. Even with the pain at the end of each day. Also, getting caught up on maintenance projects like cleaning the coils under the refrigerator, replacing the kitchen water filter and cleaning out a very messy, dirty and full Garden Shed. I am thinking about painting it a pretty color! ! ! This photo is from a few years ago but it now looks pretty much the same. Can you see through the lower left window and see the birdhouse sitting on the shelf?

And, I now have a Home Security System which I did not expect to have. And, a New Television that replaced a 2004 Sony. The Sony was very good but the new one (Samsung 40 inch) is fabulous. One thing lead to another. But, Oh, so  much new technology to get familiar with. I'll tell you all about how this came to happen in another post.

Hope your summer is going well.

Mary

Always Learning

One thing about blogging that is healthy for me is the fact that it challenges me with the many issues that arise in the process of posting a simple little post. It seems as soon as I have one issue solved another issue occurs before long. This morning I noticed that my widget of the Burning Candle was not downloading! ! ! Why? For goodness sake it has been performing nicely since I figured out how to put it on my blog a few months ago!

Look how sweet and innocent she looks. I have been so good  to her with regular maintenance and lots of attention (maybe, to much) and love.

Well, I had to start to figure out what was causing the problem. NOTE - I must apologize to my sweet computer. As usual it is not the fault of the computer but the fault rests in my lap. In a short time I found that an AdBlock program that I have had on my computer for months was blocking the download. It took one click of the mouse and I was back in business! I don't know why that occurred. I recently downloaded some new Spyware. So, maybe the issue is related to that. All is good.

Thanks for listening.

Mary