Three Years Ago Today

I lost My Special Man to cancer.

He gave me so many gifts during the five years we spent together.

 THE GREATEST GIFT IS LOVE !!!

And, his love for me was deep.  As my love for him is deep.

Give an extra HUG to those you Love!

Mary

Medical Diagnostic Report

Yesterday while I was out to the store I saw this back brace that was reasonably priced.  I have a brace that I use frequently but it is quite old.  So, when I saw this one that has a removable lumbar pad cushion for added compression to the lower back I decided that I needed to buy it.  I have worn it a lot today and I would say that it helps more than the old one.  I think buying it was a good decision.

And, then this afternoon I received a telephone call from the nurse at my doctor's office with the MRI results.  It revealed that there is an increase in the degree of impingement on the nerves which would explain my symptoms.  The doctor's recommendation was that I have an Epidural Injection.  A needle is injected into the epidural space which surrounds the spinal canal and a steroid medication is injected which is suppose to shrink any swollen tissue and decrease inflammation in or around the nerve roots.

Well, through the years, I have had several epidural injections with poor or no positive results.  The last time was in 2012 when I went to Daly City near San Francisco to get the injection.  The doctor was highly recommended by a Neurologist I had seen for a consultation.  The doctor is an Anesthesiologist and is one of the pioneers in the field of Diagnostic and Therapeutic Spinal Injections.  I was very impressed with the doctor,  office  and surgical center.  Usually, a second procedure is done in six weeks if the injection gives some relief.  SADLY,  The procedure did not give me any relief.

I explained this to the nurse and told her I did not want to do it again.  By the way, the injection is painful and they can not put you totally asleep because you need to be able to tell the doctor where the pain is the strongest.  Then I told the nurse that I would like a referral to the Orthopedic Surgeon that I have seen in the past for regular follow-ups.  He comes to this area from the Bay Area a few days a month to see patients.  The nurse said that is who my doctor would recommend and she would send the referral.  The reason I want to see this doctor is that I respect his opinion and I want a consultation, especially since there continues to be new treatment approaches.

So now we start the "wait game".  But, I am very appreciative that the MRI results were reviewed by my doctor and I was notified promptly.

I am wishing all of you Good Health and Happiness.

Mary

Pain And Other Things

Yesterday, the MRI was completed at the local hospital.  The technician was exceptionally knowledgeable, professional and very nice.  It has been several years since I have had a MRI completed at that facility.  They have a very nice new department for the MRI which has replaced a modular trailer of the past.  The report will be available to the doctor in about two days.  But, who knows when I will get the results.  It may not be until my next doctors appointment on  January 18.  I am so tired of this continual pain and I have NOT noticed any difference with the anti-inflammatory medication I started taking.

When I was leaving the hospital the technician asked me where I was parked because a Medical Helicopter was coming into the Helipad  that was nearby.  The area was already surrounded with policemen and other designated personnel.  He said I might want to leave before they arrived.  It gets very windy when those  "big birds" arrive!  Since I have never been "up close and  personal" to a landing,  I decided to go across the street and park in a parking lot and watch it come in.  It was what looked like a perfect approach and landing.

This google photo looks exactly like the helicopter I watched.  Along with emergency pickups,  they also transfer patients from one facility to another.  I did not see anything in the newspaper about any accident nearby.  And, they did not look like they were in any hurry.  Hopefully, they were just making a transfer.

About a week ago my solar vertical lift gate started to have difficulty.  And, I usually attend to it almost immediately because I have gotten accustomed to the security that I feel by having the gate.  Maybe, it is a false sense of security !  But, I think I recall hearing that the homes with the least resistance are more likely to be targeted for mischief.  This is what the gate looks like.  All of the pulleys, cables, springs, battery, etc. are housed in this big box.

Well, anyway even with my pain, it was time to fix it.  And, it looks like it is the battery  (like a car battery) needs to be replaced.  The battery is the back up for the solar.  This one lasted 7 years and I can't complain about that.  So, off to the store to buy a new one to the tune of about $100.00.  Since the battery  "weighs a ton" my neighbor it going to put the new one in tomorrow.  The new battery will stay in the trunk of my car until tomorrow.  The gate which I bought in 1996 has been exceptionally good and has required very little expense other than a replacement of a battery every now and then.

This is a good photo of THE GATE.       A photo from a few years ago when we had snow at Christmas time.

Well, I think that is it for this time.

We are having beautiful sunny weather here in California.  If you are in a snowy state I hope you are warm and safe and cozy.

Mary

Merry Christmas To All

Mary

Red And White Reflections

This was a little different than any Christmas tree in the past.  It was 2012 and certainly was less effort and time to decorate than with my favorite tree decorations with the many ornaments that bring memories from throughout my life.

Nonetheless, it was very festive!

And, some Vintage Gibson Poinsettia Delk The Halls Christmas Dinnerware.

I feel optimistic that next year I will be able to decorate and enjoy the holiday comfort of my little home.    Wishing all of you a wonderful holiday season where ever and however you may celebrate.

God Bless.

Mary

Feeling Buried - Not Litterly

But, certainly "In Paper" .      How can it be so ?

Well, I am still at it.  Reading  millions of words in preparation for making major financial decisions which will affect my life.  More accurately stated  -   putting in place all legal documents that potentially will provide the best retirement in all aspects of my remaining life.   What a job?

But, I think I am making good progress.  However, about the time I think one category/project is completed I receive a document that raises a question that I have to follow-up on.

Unfortunately, I have discontinued work on my "Last Will and Testament"  because I was not happy with the way my options were presenting.  So, I have paid $945.00 for "fee of services" at $250.00 per hour and I have closed the file for now.  Very perplexing and stressful.  Fortunately though,  all the new documents are in draft form and I will be able to utilize all of it as my forward direction is  determined. 

Additionally, I am working on my home mortgage with the intent to utilize every available asset to the best of my advantage.  Fortunately, in this day and age there are numerous scenarios that are advantageous for me to evaluate thoroughly with a focus on my particular circumstances.  This process has been very time consuming. And, I am very optimistic.  AS well as, very grateful for the financial assets that I have worked so diligently to accrue - - - - - - - and maintain .  I am meeting with a Notary Public on Saturday to have necessary documents notarized for future procedures.

Living in a world of high technology presents a situation of always having to be alert to changes caused by inadvertent activity by oneself of others who navigate through the mechanisms of the many commonplace Electronic Devices of today.  These "little surprises" have become commonplace in our day to day lives.  Just look at the huge amount of Forums on the Internet that are available for sorting out problems associated with "Our Devices" !       Yes, I have been visited by the "How Did That Happen Mystery Creature".              I recall a simpler time ! ! !

Super good news this afternoon.  The MRI has been authorized and scheduled for next Tuesday.

Let's end on a lovely Holiday Flashback of 2010.  I was very surprised with a beautiful Christmas Bouquet from a Dear Friend from New York.  It was totally unexpected and totally enjoyed .

Holiday Wishes.

Mary

Today Is My Son's 57th Birthday

As is often said by mothers of a certain age,  "How did this happen so fast"?  It can't be so. but it is !  He really is 57 ! ! !   If you follow my blog you realize that my memories of this time of new life has been very bittersweet.  Even though it was a challenging time of unknowns we carried on as best as we could.

His due date was December 5 but he wasn't born until December 20.  Having a Birthday five days before Christmas is not a desire of any child I have known.  So, it was not unusual for us to party and celebrate his Birthday in the middle of the summer.  I recall one year when we had a big party with a Pinata in a decorated garage where there was plenty of room to swing the stick to strike the suspended Pinata and gather the falling candy.

Another party that was popular at the time was to have a Birthday Party in an Ice Cream Parlor.  I recall arranging the party following his father's departure from the family!

I would so enjoy being able to be with my son today, on his Birthday.  However,  "I don't think it is in the cards" this year nor do I think it will happen in the future.

For many years we also celebrated his Birthday with a Christmas Cookie Party.  I would usually bake at least 20 different types of cookies. All the ol' favorites like Spritz, Thumbprint, Pfeffernusse, Sugar Cutout Frosted Cookies, Russian Tea Cakes, Snickerdoodles, Peanut Butter Blossoms, Chocolate Fudge, Molasses Crinkles, Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Ginger Bread Men and Swedish Rosettes.  All those cookies presented a beautiful display of holiday colors.  And, of course everyone of them looked especially celebratory if we chose to add a Birthday Candle!

It would be so nice if I had a color photo of the display to share.

From the moment I got out of bed this morning I have been in more pain than usual.  I believe it is from all the maneuvers during the physical exam yesterday at the doctors appointment.  I do not seem to be able to determine a consistent pattern of what causes the greatest pain aggravation.  Would you believe that when I saw the doctor yesterday, I had very minimal pain.  Go figure? 

That's it for today.  Be safe and take special care.

Mary

Lily's Christmas Flashback 2009 And Health Update

My little love bug, Lily went to see Santa when she was four years old.  Her eyes are big because the room was filled with all sizes of dogs and there was even a miniature horse.  I miss Lily so much but it is great having the memories of lots of fun and lots of love she always gave. 

My goings out and about is very little this Holiday season primarily because of my continuous back and leg pain.  I saw the doctor today and he ordered the MRI as I requested.  But questioned if the insurance will authorize the test prior to me receiving Physical Therapy first.  I have never been refused any diagnostics in the past.  So, let's hope that I can get the MRI before the end of the year prior to my new insurance plan starting.  The new plan may have different requirements for authorization.

Additionally, at my request, the doctor prescribed an anti-inflammatory medication.  The prescribed strength is higher than what I can get "over the counter".  I  was on the medication for many years in the past and it was effective.  They warn about taking it for a long time because of  the possibility of kidney and liver damage.  I have been lucky because my lab reports have always been within normal limits.  Be assured I will be sure to follow the lab work carefully.  The doctor was very thorough in examining me in regards to the extent of my pain.  My next doctor appointment is in a month.

I can hardly tell you how much , at a time like this,  I value my medical background as a Nurse.  And, also my experience  (out of necessity)  in having to fight  negotiate my own battles.  I may really need both of those strengths in the near future in order to receive the appropriate medical care.

I hope all of you are enjoying Holiday Festivities.

MEMORIES

Mary

Hectic Days Make For Hectic Pain And Some Whimsy

Thank goodness I have a Doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon.  He has been out of his office for two weeks!   I want to request an MRI because "things in my back" are definitely changing and not in a good way.  Since I can not take pain medication I feel we certainly need to know the current pathology of my back before selecting a treatment plan.

Presently, I have more stress than usual because I am still working on issues of important decisions that affect my life, mostly financial.  I do not think changing supplemental medical insurance plans should be so difficult and confusing.  Even though I am using the same carrier the process has been long and detailed with thorough inquiry of each answer on the application.   I am thankful I have not had any major medical issues in the last two years.  Previous medical conditions seem to be a huge issue!  I expect to receive all the policy documents today.  That's one more item I can mark off my  "to do list".

I am so tired of reading "fine print" in preparation of making current decisions which are necessary.  Also there is added difficulty with making all these decisions on my own without input from a trusted person.   These are just a couple areas I am working on.  For the most part everything is going well but these are very important decisions and it causes me a lot of stress and my pain level is getting near to unbearable .

Let's go in another direction.  My doctor has suggested that I have a glass of red wine in the evening for medical reasons not psychological.  Well,  I have never been much of a drinker and don't enjoy sitting alone with "my wine".  This subject took me in another direction. It's just a little Flashback.

This is an interesting piece of furniture in my home that I have enjoyed using in the past.

No longer is it stocked.  But, I think this type of bottles and glassware are very pretty.

 I enjoy the uniqueness and beauty of this piece of furniture and have never seen another one like it.  About seven years ago I bought it from Ebay.  At that time I was able to find several pieces that were very affordable even with shipping expenses.

Oh, I must show you this unusual plant stand.  It has beautiful hand carving from a tree log.  The detail is remarkable.  The skirt is separate from the base. What Craftsmanship!  I believe it is one of a kind.

 It certainly has been a fun conversation piece.  The delivery man said that it sure got a lot of attention at the warehouse!    And look at the detail on the shoes.  I truly love WHIMSY. 

Happy Holidays

Have a Great Day

Mary

Did You Know That There Is A Reindeer Farm/Center

And, it is in Kent, England.

Just take a look at Their Website.  Such fun and education !!!

For a little pre-Christmas entertainment,  How about a video of a herd of reindeer (in slow motion) heading off to the fields for some morning grass !

Be sure to turn up the volume and view in fullscreen.  And, look at their feet.  No hooves ?  It looks like there are toes that spread out when they touch the ground.  Oh my gosh, look at the size of those antlers.  I understand that both male as well as female have antlers.

Now, that is a lot of reindeer !  Hope you enjoyed.

Mary

It's Been A Good Day In The Kitchen

Since my kitchen is nice and clean and I have great fresh groceries in the house what's a gal to do?  Well, cook, of course.  So that is what I did.

There is no question about it,  I really dislike the frozen prepared foods from the grocery store but I have to succumb to them more often than I would like to admit.  My forays into the kitchen lately have not always resulted in finished products to my full liking.  Hopefully, I can get my mojo back.  And, this may just be the beginning of that journey.

I decided to keep it simple and not try any new recipes, just solid good home cooked food.  I have been wanting to make some oven roasted potatoes and I have some fresh Yukon potatoes.  So-so easy.  This is what I did.  First, coat the potatoes with olive oil. And then season them with garlic ( prepared chopped garlic from a jar works fine), kosher salt, black pepper, dried thyme, dried oregano, dried basil and some grated Parmesan cheese (from recently purchased 3 oz. Kraft grated parmesan).  Even though I usually avoid this product I bought it because of the small container which to me meant that it probably would not get old and then wasted.  It was perfect for this quick little adventure of mine into the kitchen.  No fuss, no mess!

They turned out so very good and flavorful.

Lovely white fresh mushrooms were for sale at a price that was so low that I can't remember ever seeing it that low.  And, since I like sauted mushrooms it was going to happen. 

I have always made my mushrooms sauted in real butter and at the end add a few splashes of Maggi Seasoning. It has to be years ago that I first started doing that.

I have been so disappointed with the chicken that I have recently bought at the big chain grocery store that I can not bring myself to do it.  The other day when I shopped close to home I bought some boneless skinless chicken thighs that are called Air-chilled Smart Chicken.  Oh my, what a difference!!  An air-dried chilling technology is used instead of the standard water immersion/absorption method which results in a watery product.  Just look at this beautiful chicken !!  Can chicken thighs be beautiful ???

I did not even have to trim anything from the thighs.  Just rinsed and then into the baking pan with a little sprinkle of Grill Mates Montreal Chicken  seasoning.  And, of course just a teeny bit of butter on each one.

Now some steamed very fresh Broccoli Florets.

The chicken baked very fast and reached 165 degrees in "no time" but it was not browning.  I popped it under the broiler for a minute or so but then realized that since it is skinless there would not be a lot of browning.  But, let me tell you.  The flavor and quality of the chicken is fabulous.

Will you join me for dinner ??   I would like that.    Oh, and we must have a little vino.

Happy Weekend.

Mary

Friday Evening

Happy Flashback !     Jolly Ol' Santa.  Eggnog, anyone ?

On Tuesday I was finally able to go to the neighborhood grocery store.  It is not one of the large chain stores but privately owned High-End Delightful Grocery with a real live butcher at the meat counter.  Even though I don't go there routinely (I wish I could) when I do go I really like it.  Fortunately, they seem to always have nice sales.   When you can't find enough ingredients in the cupboards and refrigerator to put together even the weirdest  combination for dinner it is definitely more than overdue to go to the store.  Even out of Top Ramen!  Out of Coffee and Creamer almost becomes an emergency!

Last evening I took a look at the Soggy Garage.  Since, I had the laundry sorted and in piles near the washing machine when I found the flooding on Tuesday, I quickly shoved the clothes/laundry into the water that was flooding the floor !

So, last night when I started to wash one load of clothes, my greatest fear had already started.  And, that is that the clothes were starting to mildew.  How disgusting !!  Mildew does not wash out even with heavy duty cycle.    So, that meant that several items had to be thrown away.  Just my luck!  My clothes are old but none the less I was still able to wear them.

To "add insult to injury" The light bulb at the back of the dryer burned out.  Ordinarily, no big deal.  But with a partial rotator cuff  tear in each shoulder and my back issues I can't manage to reach far enough to loosen the screw that secures the protective plate covering the light bulb against the back wall of the dryer.  Well, I guess I can work in the dark.     No Big Deal!   I think my life is becoming one big exclamation mark!

Today, I was able to finish most of the laundry.  Thank goodness.  And, also I worked in the kitchen cleaning which had been sadly neglected lately. I took several breaks throughout the day to use the heating pad on my back and leg.  It helps a little especially in this chilly weather.  Additionally, I rested on the sofa most of the afternoon.

My mood has improved and some contacts with a couple blogger friends has really helped.  I really hate to feel so stressed and lately, I have to work very hard to not let that happen.   But, I guess as I am ageing I get to feeling a little overwhelmed at times, especially since my life has become so solitary, which has become my choice.

It saddens me to see the devastation and heartache that the Southern California fires are causing.  It has been such a horrible years of forest fires.  It easily jolts me into a state of gratitude for what I have in this life.

It's like I wrote in a blog lately that life can change in the blink of an eye.  It looks like my "multi-million dollar" brother has had to evacuate his country estate. They reside a little over one mile from the edge of the Lilac Fire.  I'm praying that the Santa Ana winds calm down and the people are  able to return to life and begin reorientation of moving forward with whatever is in their future.  Bless the FireFighters and sending positive energy to everyone impacted  by the fires.  The journey back is unimaginable.

A little more Christmas Flashback .

Let's Give Thanks .

Mary

Have No Idea Where To Start

But let me start with a photo from the past that gives me a lot of happiness as I reflect on better times.

In full disclosure,  my body is a mess, my life is even worse, and my psyche is in the bucket !!!

I think I will first write what I had started to blog earlier this year about medical care.

I just need a DOCTOR!  Since August 2016 I have been trying to find a Family Practice Physician. My doctor left private practice (after being my doctor for 8 years) to go to work for the local VA Hospital with hopes of having better working conditions and benefits. She was a wonderful doctor and took very good care of me.   Several doctors have left this area during the past year.

I understand that there is a shortage of doctors throughout the nation. And, it is a bigger problem in the rural areas. I guess I have been spoiled in that I have always had a doctor and been able to visit them regularly as well as see specialists without much delay.

We have lost so many doctors which has created a situation whereby the current doctors are not able to take new patients because their workload is already at the maximum. I started my search for a new doctor months ago. I think it was in February.

My monthly medical insurance premium expenses are very high and here I sit without medical care.

With a few telephone calls to the two local hospitals that service my community I was able to get a list of doctors that are taking new patients. I was shocked at the names on the list. Some of them were located more than fifty miles away!  The list was of no help to me.

A few month ago I heard about a doctor who had returned to the area after 13 years working elsewhere and he might be taking new patients.  I immediately telephoned and was able to get an appointment late in August.  That was wonderful especially since my prescriptions were soon to expire!  But, it also meant that I had not had a doctor for a year unless I went to the ER.  I can't deny that it was a very stressful time. 

I like the new doctor but all is not good because as mentioned in the past, my back/spinal issues of severe back pain and burning nerve pain down to my ankle are worsening !  At my last visit on November 20 he ordered Hydrocodone/Norco, a mid strength narcotic pain medication.  I mentioned my past negative experience with narcotic pain medication. Primarily, the side effects are impossible for me to endure.  And, I certainly can not take it if I live alone !  He asked me to telephone him if I needed to.  So, I called his office on Monday of this week and said that the pain medication was not the answer and that I need to have an MRI.  The person taking the call was very curt and rushed telling me he was totally booked and may not be able to call me that day.  Two days later I called again and I was told that they had a prescription for Norco waiting for me at the office.  When I further tried to explain and wanted to talk to the doctor, I was told that the doctor was "out of the office" for two weeks.  I will not reveal to you my thoughts.  I will spare you the displeasure !  Thankfully, my next scheduled appointment is already scheduled for Monday, December 20.  Meanwhile, I am really struggling!  Sometimes/days I have such horrible pain that almost makes mobility impossible. 

Along with medical care issues,  there is so much more that I have been dealing with.  And, there has not been anyone to discuss most issues and help me!

* Appointment with an attorney to update my Will and associated documents.  Very expensive and challenging making major decisions.

* Diligently, trying to figure out how to pay for the services.  Very difficult .

* Evaluating my Medcare Medical Insurance and making important major change (more expensive, unfortunately) with change due date December 7 .  Very time consuming and confusing at times.

* Insure that I have the money to pay property taxes of $1131.00 due December 10.

* Discussing Will and numerous topics with my Granddaughter. 

* Huge decision to no longer be involved in efforts to reunite family before my death.   Daughter-in-law has not made any contact since visit.  No telephone call from anyone at Thanksgiving!  It Is What It Is !

During this time my memory has been very compromised which has greatly added to my stress, especially when in the attorney's office.  It was so difficult and embarrassing.     And, obviously,  the pain I experience is intensified with the tremendous stress experienced of late !

Lest I forget.  Ten days ago, my home security alarm went off at 4 AM.  Spare you the details. It was raining and the fierce wind blew the door that goes into the garage open.  Sheriff came to the house.

Now, are you ready for this?  I had not done laundry for weeks and needed to.  So, on Tuesday, I put a load in and checked it as the spin cycle was running.  Garage was flooding with water gushing from under the sink beside the washer .  No time to panic!  Again, long story short.  Somehow the drainage pipe that carries the water away had become dislodged and all the drain water was flooding the garage.  Have no idea how this could occur. Have not been in the garage lately.

I am happy to say that I am feeling somewhat better.  Now that the above issues are taken care of other than laundry and the wet, wet, wet garage.  I have always had a rug in my garage for added warmth ! Enough on that.

I hope I never have to experience such extensive traumatic issues at the same time, ever again.  I know I am tough but enough is enough!  I felt so close to the breaking point - whatever that may have been.   I continue to see the Psychologist every other week.  I am Very Thankful for that.

Happy Holidays. 

Mary

Tragedy Near Home

It is so true !!!  In the blink of an eye a life can change dramatically.  On Thanksgiving Eve at 6PM (following sunset) a young mother was driving home with her two young children from family festivities. The unthinkable happened when a large Black Bear entered the the road from the side and collided with the vehicle killing the mother and a ninteen month old girl.  A four year old boy was in the back seat and sustained minor injuries.  The impact was so intense that the bear ended up in the vehicle front seat !  The bear was severely injured and died .  This tragedy happened about ten minutes drive from my home.

(google image)

Reportedly,  there have been many more bears in our foothills lately.  It seems like the newspaper reports a sighting every couple weeks or so .  Following all our forest fires the last few years and the Clearcut Logging of our forests the wild animals are coming out of the forest for water and food.

This little family is well known in our community and is receiving an outpouring of support, love and prayers . A GoFundMe memorial account has been started with a goal of 40 thousand. In the last three days, 283 caring people have donated $17,395.00.

Hug Someone today and - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mary

Loving Protection Sprinkled With Gentleness

Seldom do I post a video on this blog but this one has touched my heartstrings !  Especially, during these times of unrest and turmoil throughout our world.

The love shown in this touching video stirs my heart and reminds me of my ever faithful loving Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Lily, who passed away almost two years ago.

As with many of our pets, she was keenly attuned to me and all my needs and emotions. It was so wonderful for me to feel her protection, love and support for the many years when it was just "her and me" !  Her love was such a beautiful gift !

And now, let's enjoy this facebook heartwarming video together.

Wishing you a Warm and Cozy Day.

Mary