The Good, Bad And The Ugly

It's about time that I catch up with you about all the things that have kept me so very busy . I probably would have gotten this posted sooner if I had not misplaced or lost my cable used to transfer the photos from my camera to the laptop . Looked EVERYWHERE!  I had to order a replacement .  Is this another sign that the years are zooming past me ?

Let's start with the GOOD .  I am so happy to tell you that the change in my medication for Seasonal Affective Disorder has helped me immensely !  It took about three weeks before I started to notice how different I was feeling !  It has been so wonderful to get up in the morning and feel "right with the day" whether it is sunny and bright or NOT !  What a wonderful difference . I am so happy that I persisted with the doctor until I was able to get the help I have needed in such a very long time !!!

It is always the right time to celebrate with a little ice cream in the sunshine .  Even though I am still having difficulty with lack of appetite I have no problem with my desire for ice cream whatever the time is ! It may sound a little corny but I really feel like sunshine most of the time .

Don't want to forget to mention that finally the generator that I purchased about six months ago has been installed . It's nice to know that if the power goes out for any prolonged time , I will not be cold and - - I can have hot coffee . Oh, the creature comforts of home that we so easily can take for granted !

Tomorrow it will be two years since Miss Ivy came to live with me .  I guess I should say, since I chose her to live with me .  And, it has been pure joy .  She now spends her time snuggled close to me whenever I am am sitting or laying down which has been quite a lot lately .  I really did not think that she would ever become that comfortable , trusting and attached to me .

The weather has been quite remarkably nice lately .  However , I must not overlook the reality of how serious it will become if we don't get some much needed RAIN . The plants , trees and gardens have started to show the first baby steps into spring with their little busts of green growth and sprinkles of little bits of color .  The beautiful tree across the street looks like this , entirely covered in blossoms .  Fabulous !

And, now - a little of the BAD .  Look at this mess in my outdoors .  I have not been able to work in my garden let alone clean up in preparation for a colorful spring and summer garden because of unusual very severe back pain . The kind that has "stopped me in my tracts".  It makes me very sad .

For the past month or so , I have been experiencing increased pain level in my back and left hip .  BOO-HOO .  A very BIG BOO-HOO !  It has been terrible . It so closely resembles the Severe Pain when I first herniated my L4/L5 disk in my low back many years ago in September 1992 and subsequently had to have surgery to decompress (reduce pressure) the nerves as well as assist in recovery of left foot drop whereby I had no control of my foot because of nerve impingement .

Working as a Nurse for years certainly did not help my small body maintain optimal skeletal health.  It was hard work especially considering that we did not have the help of orderlies (as they called them later) and transfer equipment to assist us with moving patients with heavy plaster casts or turning heavy patients who were not to turn without help following cataract eye surgery which required to be bedridden for a week following surgery .  Oh, those were the days .  Sounds as bad as being a child walking in the snow to school, doesn't it ? Oh, how did I get This Old ?

The fact that I have always been physically active doing one thing or another can be a "double edged sword" .  My body still has a lot of mobility because I don't spend a lot of time just sitting around but my back vertebrae are simply old and worn out !!!

And now , for a little Ugly ! Just look at my spine MRI (taken in 2017) and it's messed up curvature and poor quality of vertebrae/discs along with a worsening scoliosis (sideways curvature) .  And, maybe (most likely) worse now in 2020 .  It really amazes me that I have been able to be as physical as I have been .  Probably the fact that I try to pace myself and limit my time working in the garden to three hours maximum has helped .

The dictated report notes that all of my lumbar disks (that would be L1 through L5) are either moderately or severely bulging . Just exactly, what does that mean .

Well , it is better than I had remembered when I read the report in the past........

Basically, it states that I have Spondylosis , also known as DDD (Degenerative Disc Disease) which is a condition that usually occurs due to aging. It is progressive deterioration of the discs between the vertebral bodies . The discs lose moisture and shrink , losing their cushioning effect between the spinal bones , the ligaments become weaker or thicken , and the bones can develop bony growths or spurs . My report shows that I also have spurs . Spondylosis can cause pressure on nerve roots causing subsequent pain or tingling in the legs . A primary difference between a herniated disc and a bulging disc is that bulging discs are "contained" . There is no rupture or tear present inside the disc's outer layer . Herniated discs may start out as bulging discs , but they create so much pressure on the discs outer wall , it causes a rupture .

Because it has been a long time since I was familiar with the many terms used to describe the numerous spinal abnormalities I thought I would post this information . It may be helpful for some of you .

Spondylolysis is a fracture in the vertebrae . As we age the bones weaken and a stress fracture may occur . This type of fracture is simply a crack in part of the vertebra and may cause no problem at all. However, sometimes the cracked vertebrae slips forward over the vertebrae below it. This is known as Spondylolisthesis .

Spondylitis affects the spinal column . It can cause inflammation and stiffness between your vertebrae - - -  the bones of your neck, spine and lower back and pelvis. Spondylitis can attack ligaments that connect muscle to bones and other connective tissue. 

The back/spine is so much more complex than this little snippet of information . Treatment is based on pain level, patient interview and diagnostic imaging .

I certainly do not see surgery in my future even though it has been recommended for at least the last five years or more .  I think the risk factor is to great and I could end up in a worse situation .  I have already had a multitude of procedures with minimal noticeable benefit . I am thankful for a pretty high pain threshold ! Especially , since "real pain pills" no longer are available . I started taking Aleve .  Helping ? I really don't know . Sadly, no gardening .

I have ordered a new back brace that is a little different than I have had in the past . And, also some new shoes with a substantial arch support .

Have you heard of Tonal Chiropractic approach ? Maybe next time I'll say something about it . This is certainly more than enough this time .

Another , but horrific subject , next time . But Please - - -

Good Wishes to All of You and I Hope You stay healthy.

Mary

Time To Turn The Page On The Calendar - Already

Not a lot going on around here that is blog worthy .

                HAPPY SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

For some reason I am not feeling so good . No energy , No appetite , No excitement .  Adjusting to new antidepressant medication (don't think I am feeling different than before)  as well as a new prescription in my eyeglasses (they don't seem quite right) but I'll wait and see how I get along .  I have stopped taking the CBD oil for now . I have been having a headache and a lot of back pain that has been quite harsh .  Knees and other joints hurting more than usual . Psychologically I am doing fine and feel happy .  Medically, we never did figure out why my Spleen is enlarged !  There is a big difference between emotional and physical pain . However, sometimes they can get very entwined !

This little sweetheart continues to get more snugly , trusting and loving everyday .  We have come a long way since the days of hissing and scratching .  I am so grateful for her tender love .

I've been in the kitchen preparing for the freezer this recipe that includes Ramen noodles . Simple and tasty ! It is a challenge to grocery shop and cook when I truly have no appetite . I have always had a good appetite and been grateful for food especially when I think of how hungry I was at times when going to school to become a nurse .  I was living away from home and supporting myself and my parents would not help but my boyfriend at the time (who became my husband) would !

Check out Twomenandalittlefarm.blogspot.com for the recipe.

Please don't call me Miss Grumpy .  I'll figure all of this out .

Mary

Moments To Ponder

It is hard to believe that it would be a week of celebration of a Sixtieth Wedding Anniversary if I had stayed married to my children's father and he had not left us .  And - - - he had lived .

Yes, this photo is in muted colors !

It is not with bitterness that I write this but more with some thoughts of sadness .  Yes, after this many years and having lived a life filled with many life experiences which included 8 years out of 10 years of married life that were the happiest years of my life until recently .

We met when he was yet a boy at age fifteen and I was a mere girl child at the age of fifteen .  We were attending the same church along with our parents .  Not an uncommon event for the times in the fifties .  He was beside my side through the years of high school and the years of my rigorous nurses training .  We truly were in love as we knew love at the time !  Following completion of my Registered Nurses training/schooling at age 19 we were married (in the church, of course) on July 5, 1959 .

We were extremely happy even though my parents weren't as happy .  No surprise there !  There certainly were no excessive funds provided for my very simple wedding .  But, we were just happy to be married !

Life was as happy as I could ever have imagined !  I passed my State Board Exams as a Registered Nurse and my husband was very busy working as a Carpenter .  We had our first child when we were 21 and the next one when we were 23 .  Prior to the birth of our second child my husband and friends were able to build a house that we were able to move into when our daughter was only six weeks old.  It was a great three bedroom, two bath house .  I was able to be a "Stay at Home Mom" and I loved it .

Life was moving along beautifully as a young family of the fifties .  We knew we were fortunate to live the life we were living . Nothing extravagant but nicely comfortable .

Photo taken in 1966 . Red Velvet Mother/Daughter Christmas dresses that I sewed .

AND THEN  - - - - -

Out of necessity , my husbands employment changed radically from outdoor carpentry to indoor NIGHT shift Computer office work .  And, I had to start working as a nurse on DAY shift . It was a very tumultuous time for us .  Very Unfortunately , before long he became involved at work with co-workers and illegal drug use .  He left us in early 1969 and he passed away at the age of 47 !

And, That Is My Story .

As we know and I have often said "Life can change in the blink of an eye" .  I could write a lot more but let's just say "That Is My Story" and I am very Thankful for the years that were very Lovingly Beautiful .

Now, let's go enjoy some Fireworks !  Are you coming with me ?

Mary

Quick Update - It is SPRINGTIME

What a beautiful Harbinger of Spring !  I patiently wait for this Forsythia plant to bloom each and every spring and especially this year following the historic winter weather .  I was on my way out to the garden and got side tracked and decided it was a priority to write a brief post .  It has been a while since I have stopped and updated my blog .  THE GARDEN IS ALIVE !

White Hydrangea .

 White Hollyhocks .

White "New Dawn" Climbing Rose .

 Lavender Lilac .

Outdoor Maintenance continues with successfully unplugging blockage in drain pipe .

During the recent past heavy rains the water flowed briskly down and out this drain .  Hooray for me and my success !

And - - - some random cooking .  Honey-Mustard Brussels Sprouts. The mustard and soy sauce give it just the right amount of tang .

Old fashioned Scalloped Potatoes .  As usual, very good .

White Beans with Bacon and Herbs .  Really good, especially with Pork Chops .

Now - are you ready for this ?   A little repair-replacement of some CAR PARTS .   The rear view mirror on my 1998 Chrysler Sebring Convertible had become very blurry and difficult to see clearly and the support lifts for the trunk lid were no longer holding the lid open .  Not good to have the lid fall on my head !!!

 OLD PARTS

 NEW INSTALLATION OF PARTS

Can you see the buttons on my shirt popping off !!  I have to admit that I am quite proud of myself .      I guess it is true that "When there is a Will, there is a WAY .  Internet shopping and all for less than $150.00 .  Labor priceless !!!

If you are a blogger,  you know there is no such thing as a quick post .  Even after almost ten years I have not discovered a way to "quickly post" .

The sun is bright and I am on my way out to the garden .

Have yourself a Wonderful Day .

Mary

Crazy Spinning Life

Do you ever feel like this ?

I am not sure why this seems to be my current state of mind !  But, it is .  I know I have a lot on my plate and I don't seem to be able to check  off very much from  my To Do list .

I have postponed the CAT scan again which was for today.  For some reason, I am not comfortable about going alone to the appointment and I need to find someone to go with me . Unfortunately,  my Family Practice doctor (the only doctor I could find after my favorite doctor left) is on staff at only one hospital in the area.  And, the hospital is one where I have had a couple very bad experiences .  The worst experience was when they RESISTED admitting me and I had to demand admission for what turned out to be an eight day admission with what was thought to be a MRSA  (Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus) infection that becomes resistant to many of the antibiotics used to treat ordinary staph infections.  Emergency surgery was done on a Sunday night for Wound Incision and Drainage.  Sadly, I was very ill for quite some time !  The delayed proper care added to the severity of the condition .  This was in 2007 .

I know this is a dreadful photo technically however the severity of the situation was also very dreadful.  I could have easily died especially prior to the Incision and Drainage surgery that required a general anesthesia

The current difficulty with working with the doctors associated with this particular hospital in regards to my current abdominal concerns has been troubling enough to give me pause .  And, I must step aside and give more thought to my plan of action .  The fact that I have not had any routine care (or even routine blood chemistry)  for two years in follow-up of my natural aging medical status is making me angry especially given the fact that I pay $351.00 a month in medical/pharmaceutical premiums.  And that does not include dental or vision care !

I will be diligent in finding a doctor at the other hospital that I used prior to the past two years.  I have been calling several medical offices regularly to see if they are taking new patients.  They don't keep a list of people waiting for a doctor.  It is becoming more and more difficult to find good doctors in Rural Areas.

Following the suggestion of a dear blogging friend,  I think it may be beneficial for me to have a little glass of wine .  It's five o'clock somewhere !!!  Right ?

I do not think I will be blogging for a week or two.  I'll be back.

Blessings to all.

Mary

Having A Great Day With Blue Sky

Today is the first day in a long time that the sky has had periods of blue sky with white billowy clouds .  The fires that have been contributing the most to the smoky skies are progressing to a higher percentage of containment which is wonderful .  However the temperatures are predicted to be higher again in the coming week to around 100 degrees .

I am still having to water the garden at least two times a day . But, I have been getting caught up on routine errands as well as the never ending task of paperwork that accompanies life and having a house .  Yesterday I  picked up a car trunk full of soil amendments and planting soil for the garden  .  I am hoping it will help with water retention for the dry cracking soil surface that has been visible everyday .  This is after watering the afternoon the day before .

 Delightful surprise in the garden when I saw the tomatoes turning red .

However, the figs have not shown any change (size or color) for weeks . Don't know what that is all about .

Yesterday when I took my household waste to the dump I saw the darkened burned hillside from one of the fires .  I was so surprised to see how close it burned to the disposal station - right up to the fence .  I didn't have my camera .  And, then I saw another area of burned hill side not far from the first site .  STARTLING !

This is what the hillsides and the whole area around here and throughout a lot of California looks like !  So much dry grass !   Cal-fire working to contain parameter of a fire .

My CAT scan is scheduled for August 22 but I have to have some blood drawn for lab work before that day  .

I have done a little more research on the Doctor and I learned something that I did not know in the past about the designation of M.D .   It does not only include what I have known in the past as a M.D, but now legally identifies Allopathics and Osteopathics trained individuals as a M.D.  I guess my knowledge base on the term of  D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy) is a little archaic.  So anyway,  his background education is in the field of Osteopathic medicine .  Training in Italy and the US.  And, much to my surprise, his last eight years of medical practice has been in the field of Bariatric (weight loss) surgery .  Far different than what I expected after reading our local newspaper introduction of him as quoted by the hospital CEO saying that the doctor "specializes in breast surgery, wound care, colorectal surgery and advanced technology in hernia surgery" .  My research has resulted in finding a list of his area of expertise to be Cancer,  Obesity,  Gastric Bypass,  Stomach Stapling,  Laproscopic Surgery,  Hepatocellular Carcinoma,  Liver Removal,  Liver Transplantation,  Liver Cancer,  Weight Loss and  Surgery.  He is licensed to practice medicine in Alabama, New Mexico and Texas.  He comes to this area from a small rural community in New Mexico.   He has authored several books including  "Slim the Italian Way" (recipes),  "The business of Surgery",  "Professionalism and Ethics in a Surgical Practice"  and  "International Principles of Laparoscopic Surgery".  Strangely Interesting !

One of the many odd things he said to me at my medical appointment was that he could never be a doctor of Internal Medicine because he couldn't order a certain pill and have to wait a month to see if it worked.  He also was very emphatic in saying that he is a Scientist.  And, when he observed that I have a very small umbilical hernia (that I have had for years) he said he could do surgery on it for me.   When he filled out the requisition form for the CAT scan - under the area of symptoms he only wrote abdominal pain and umbilical hernia .  Not a mention of change in bowel habits, which I would think would be the most important symptom.  But then - what do I know ??  Just, a little SARCASM !    After receiving the results of the CAT scan I have NO intention of ever crossing the threshold of his office.  This certainly has been the most bizarre experience with trying to receive proper medical care.

Since I feel well and for the most part I am not suffering in any way. it would be easy to just forget about all of this  .  But, I know we should not ignore changes we experience or see in our bodies .  So, hopefully the CAT scan will not show anything and I can forget about all of this.  If not, I will find a way.

I hope your week is going well .  Take good care of yourself .

Mary

Tending To Business Can Be Difficult

As I mentioned in June, I saw my General Practice Physician because of some abdominal discomfort and a CAT scan was prescribed .  And, I was told I would get a call with appointment date in 4 to 5 days .  I never received a call .  So, it was about 3 weeks later when I called to find out what was going on .  Well, something fell through the cracks and nothing was scheduled .  It's important for me to note that I asked the doctor about the prep procedure because of my very challenging gastrointestinal disability with the loss of control when defecating . See this Blog Post for history. The doctor said that no prep would be necessary.

So, after several phone calls, I was scheduled for the CAT scan at the hospital. Then, I was told I will need some lab work because the scan will be done with a contrast medium which will give clearer visibility of abdominal body organs which means I would need a Barium prep.  I do not have any problem with all of this other than my concern regarding my body's response in light of the rectal incontinence issues . This information has been discussed with the doctor in the past as well as now .  The best way I can explain what happens to me when having the prep  is to say  "it is the worst kind of a Shitty Mess" !  The last time I had a scan with prep I was an inpatient at the hospital. At the current time I do not have anyone to assist me in this burdensome activity.

In general , when I think a medical procedure or treatment is appropriate ,  my approach is "just do it".  No need fretting about it.  What good does it do ?  We don't always have a choice in what is necessary for our well being, - - - But we have a choice in how we respond to it !

However , I am feeling very different at this time .  I really-really-really do not want to go through all the unpleasantness of lack of control of my bodily function.  However, my BIGGEST CONCERN is the lack of communication between all the people involved.  I see it as a Big Red Flag !

I have cancelled the appointment for the CAT scan and I will request a referral to a Specialist.  I refuse to be caught in a compromising situation that could be anything but in my best interest .  After making this decision I feel very relieved and very happy with my plans. I am feeling quite well, only occasional mild symptoms . I do not think I am dealing with anything that would be considered life threatening.  And, there is no question in my mind about my decision if I were to be faced with determining future medical treatment.  I refuse to ever agree to undergo chemotherapy.  And, I do not think I will be faced with that circumstance.

In fact, I have placed a picture of a HEALTHY abdomen over my kitchen sink which provides a great visual for me to focus on.  Remember, I am a retired Nurse.  So, this picture has no distress for me.

Mind - Body - Spirit - Gratitude.

Life can be a series of somersaults .

You gotta just keep rolling !

Mary

Feeling Buried - Not Litterly

But, certainly "In Paper" .      How can it be so ?

Well, I am still at it.  Reading  millions of words in preparation for making major financial decisions which will affect my life.  More accurately stated  -   putting in place all legal documents that potentially will provide the best retirement in all aspects of my remaining life.   What a job?

But, I think I am making good progress.  However, about the time I think one category/project is completed I receive a document that raises a question that I have to follow-up on.

Unfortunately, I have discontinued work on my "Last Will and Testament"  because I was not happy with the way my options were presenting.  So, I have paid $945.00 for "fee of services" at $250.00 per hour and I have closed the file for now.  Very perplexing and stressful.  Fortunately though,  all the new documents are in draft form and I will be able to utilize all of it as my forward direction is  determined. 

Additionally, I am working on my home mortgage with the intent to utilize every available asset to the best of my advantage.  Fortunately, in this day and age there are numerous scenarios that are advantageous for me to evaluate thoroughly with a focus on my particular circumstances.  This process has been very time consuming. And, I am very optimistic.  AS well as, very grateful for the financial assets that I have worked so diligently to accrue - - - - - - - and maintain .  I am meeting with a Notary Public on Saturday to have necessary documents notarized for future procedures.

Living in a world of high technology presents a situation of always having to be alert to changes caused by inadvertent activity by oneself of others who navigate through the mechanisms of the many commonplace Electronic Devices of today.  These "little surprises" have become commonplace in our day to day lives.  Just look at the huge amount of Forums on the Internet that are available for sorting out problems associated with "Our Devices" !       Yes, I have been visited by the "How Did That Happen Mystery Creature".              I recall a simpler time ! ! !

Super good news this afternoon.  The MRI has been authorized and scheduled for next Tuesday.

Let's end on a lovely Holiday Flashback of 2010.  I was very surprised with a beautiful Christmas Bouquet from a Dear Friend from New York.  It was totally unexpected and totally enjoyed .

Holiday Wishes.

Mary